February 2014 – Binh Doan

I’m gay, and proud of it!

I was born in Saigon, Vietnam. Only about a decade ago, if a guy acted in a feminine way, he would be laughed at and/or given a well-known label, “bê đê” (a Vietnamese word that has its French origin meaning: fag). The term was commonly used. It could easily hurt someone’s feelings and lower their self-esteem. I certainly had this experience ever since the age of 4.

Being the youngest in a family of 4 children, I found myself spending more time with my 2 older sisters playing with dolls, tea sets and dress up.

My brother, who was on the opposite end of the spectrum, participated in all the boyish and adventurous activities e.g., football, karate, running around with bare feet… I admired him for that as he was much loved by the kids in the neighbourhood and my relatives.

I, on the other hand, was known to be the quiet one who was good at art, singing, dancing and literature. Most of my close friends were girls and I found them to be easy to talk to as we shared common interests.

As a result, I was automatically placed in a “different” category and name-calling was not an exception. I went through my childhood feeling attracted to the same sex. I thought that it was just a stage of development that would pass in time. I even thought that, when I grew up, I would get married and have kids just like everyone else.

At 15, I was not doing well in school. I used to be at the top of my class in Primary school. However, for some reason, my grades were lower than expected as I became older.

At the end of year 10, I asked my parents if I could leave Saigon to study in Brisbane, Australia. At the time, my parents were successful entrepreneurs and so I was lucky to be flown to Brisbane, where I finished my High School and Tertiary education.

Growing up with my Christian beliefs, I used to tell myself that “homosexuality is a sin”. I kept the secret to myself until I was 21 when I met my first boyfriend at a social gathering. That was one of the happiest moments of my life.

Living in an open-minded country like Australia allowed me to be myself. I made new friends to whom I came out, and they had offered me a tremendous amount of support.

Throughout my teenage years into adulthood, I was not around my family and therefore they did not know much about my “other life”.

My parents often tried to match-make me with a nice girl every time I came back to visit them in Saigon. I often kept quiet about my lifestyle in Australia as knowing the truth could potentially disappoint my family.

I then moved to Sydney where my second relationship took place. Up to this point, I’d never had a girlfriend. People often questioned my sexuality. I was fed up with social expectations.

I decided to come out to my siblings. To my surprise, they’d known for quite awhile now. They would still love me regardless of my sexual orientation. Pheww! What a relief to know that I was very much loved and supported by my brother and sisters.

The next step was to tell my parents. I often avoided the question of marriage.

Until one day, my Mum directly asked me: “Binh, as you’re older now, it’s time to think about finding the right girl and getting married…”. I thought to myself, this is the moment.

So I replied, “Mum, I’m interested in men.”. Mum did not respond or appear angry. She remained calm but did not look at me.

I turned to my Dad and said: “I’m sure you guys know!”. He said: “Yes! We’ve known about this for awhile…and at this stage, I don’t think it really matters. We are open-minded and as long as you’re happy, that’s all we care about!”.

I was in tears. That was much easier than I thought.

Both of my parents passed away not long after that due to terminal illnesses.

I’m glad that I came out to them as they are my parents and have the right to know.

One might think she/he has to be ready to come out. In my opinion, it is a progressive process which involves a number of small steps that should be considered in order to achieve the ultimate goal:

1. Come out to yourself: Get to know yourself well: your strengths, weaknesses, interests and sexual orientation. Accept and love yourself for who you are because at the end of the day, you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.

2. Come out to your close friends: Coming out to your close friends is a good place to start. Some will be happy for you. Some will be confused. Some will get upset. Just come out anyway! You will at least receive much-needed support.

3. Come out to your siblings: If you have siblings, come out to them. Like it or not, they are related to you by blood and they might want to know the truth. You’re now a step closer to telling your parents!

4. Come out to your parents: This can be the biggest challenge! Take a plunge and tell them when the right moment comes e.g., when they ask you about your relationship status or suggest that you get a BF or GF. You will feel so much better afterwards. Parents often have great expectations of their kids and some will find it hard to accept the truth. Time will tell if they are able to live with this truth or not.

5. Come out to the world: Now that you’ve gone through all of the previous steps (remember, it doesn’t have to be in that particular order), it’s time to come out to the world and let them know how proud you are to be yourself

While “hiding” in the closet, I missed out on a chance to “seek” my truth.

By coming out, I am being true to myself and others and live a happier life. Coming out is hard, but not coming out is even harder.

Be true to yourself. Be happy.

Love and peace to you.

Binh

“I think we’re going to the moon because it’s in the nature of the human being to face challenges. It’s by the nature of his deep inner soul…we’re required to do these things just as salmon swim upstream.” – Neil Armstrong

Hi, my name is Binh Doan and this is my testimony. I would like to share this message to inspire people to become whoever they want to be and to make their dreams come true regardless of their outer circumstances.

I was born in Saigon, Vietnam, in 80’s. My parents, who came from a poor background, worked extremely hard all their lives to provide a good education to my 3 older siblings and myself. At 15, I decided to travel to Brisbane (Australia) to complete my High School education. With some English to help me get by, I attended Year 11 but had difficulty fitting into the school system. I continued to struggle during my first year with understanding English and expressing myself. I spoke English with a strong accent, and the sounding of my name was sometimes made fun of by the local kids. It took me over a year to settle into the new environment and to learn about the new culture. My English continued to improve. I was a quiet kid. Sometimes, I felt like an outsider and often went to the library after school to study until late. I taught myself to tune my ears into learning how to speak like an Aussie. At the beginning of Year 12, I felt much better about my communication skills and began to catch up with my peers.

It took me over a year to settle into the new environment and to learn about the new culture. My English continued to improve. I was a quiet kid. Sometimes, I felt like an outsider and often went to the library after school to study until late. I taught myself to tune my ears into learning how to speak like an Aussie. At the beginning of Year 12, I felt much better about my communication skills and began to catch up with my peers. There were hard times but I did not want to give up. I wanted to graduate from High School, attend University and then get a good job. That would make my parents happy, as they had sacrificed so much for my education.

In 1998, I graduated from High School and was accepted into the University of Queensland. I completed my Bachelor of Biomedical Science in 2001. I then continued with my studies and obtained a Masters in Speech Pathology (2003). Throughout university, I had various part-time jobs, such as working in a fish & chips shop, helping out as a uni guide (at UQ) and serving people as a waiter in a local restaurant. These jobs not only helped me pay the bills but also helped improve my social and language skills.

In April 2004, after months of searching, I finally got a job offer in Sydney. That was my first job as a Speech Pathologist and it was based in Campbelltown. Ever since, I have been working in private practice, helping children, teenagers and adults with their speech, language and literacy difficulties. In 2011, I completed my training and obtained the CELTA (offered by Cambridge University) at

All my life, I had always wanted to be a good person and to work hard in order to make my parents and family proud. In 2007, I earned my Australian citizenship. I then decided to sponsor my parents to come and spend their retirement in Sydney. My siblings and I spent almost 2 years to complete all the paper work. In 2010, my parents migrated to Australia to reunite with the family. A few months after their arrival, tragedy struck. My Dad had a sudden heart attack, followed by a stroke, and passed away at 65. My Mum, while mourning for Dad, had to deal with her newly diagnosis of lung cancer (stage 4). Mum received various types of treatment such as chemotherapy, radiation therapy and alternative medicine. She was brave until the end. In January 2012, my Mum passed away at 69.

Losing both parents within a short period of time was the most painful experience that I’ve ever had. I was in a state of confusion and was not sure what to do with my life. I sought help from a grief counsellor, who offered some great advice. However, the pain was too vast. For almost 6 months, bad thoughts came to me on a regular basis. I was not happy with life and work. However, I tried to think, “What would my parents want me to do?”. I could not give up, considering all the hard work that they had put into providing me with a good education and a good life.

I started to read various books on dealing with grief and realised that I could use my time and energy on helping others who are in need. My parents were true givers and my role models. Ever since, I’ve been involved in a number of charity events. I do feel great about being able to contribute to others’ happiness. In April 2013, I stumbled across Anthony Robbins’ “Awaken the Giant Within”. This is an inspirational and powerful book that has opened my eyes to possibilities, life and shown me how much control I have over my own life. I am now on the mend and have taken a full interest in helping others who are struggling to reach their full potential.

In August 2013, I decided to become a Life Coach and was registered with The Australian Institute of Coaching (AIC). It was a tremendously life-changing experience with all the support from the AIC team and friends/family. In August 2014, I graduated and am now fully qualified as a Life Coach. I am passionate in helping others who want to take charge and make a difference in their own lives.

Through integrating all the skills that I have learnt in the past 18 years, my goal is to help individuals achieve their life goals to the best of their abilities e.g., communication skills (speech, language, reading, spelling, writing, ESL, working memory, public speaking & accent training), study / interview skills, and confidence coaching.

In September 2014, I created Speakable, a Speech-Language Pathology & Life Coaching practice in Bondi Junction. My mission is to help people of all ages find their voice in this world and to increase their confidence in order to turn their dreams into reality.

At the moment, I’m running Speak Up Australia – a group where people get together, connect and learn to conquer the top human fear of Public Speaking. We meet every second Thursday of the month to inspire each other with positive ideas and life stories.